Movie Characters Who Would Make the Worst Dates Ever
Right on the heels of Valentine’s Day is – how fitting – Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D) on Feb. 15. If you’re one of us sad, lonely, single folks who use movies as a form of escape, then you’ve surely got those movie characters you’d love to take out on a date, whether it be Ryan Gosling from Crazy Stupid Love, Emma Stone from Easy-A, or Michael B. Jordan from Every Single Michael B. Jordan movie. But then there are ‘other’ characters…ones that we not only want to ‘skip the date’ with, but also send them to their own island to leave humanity alone forever. These are just a few of the movie characters that we feel would make the absolute worst dates EVER.
Wendy Torrance (Shelley Duvall) in The Shining
Possibly the most whiny character in film history, Wendy does little in the film except find new and exciting ways to seem dejected by her increasingly unstable husband. Oh, and she smokes too – a lot. A date with Wendy would last forever because it would probably take her 45 minutes to figure out what she wants at the Olive Garden.
Mary Katherine Gallagher (Molly Shannon) in Superstar
Nothing says romance like a strapping Catholic girl who sniffs her armpits and takes energy to 11 each and every time she is presented with the opportunity. Sure, there’s an inner beauty, but can you imagine taking her out to a movie? Or any place that is public with human beings? You just couldn’t expose her to decent, proper company.
Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Anakin Skywalker was, essentially, written as the world’s worst emo song. All he does in Attack of the Clones is get teary eyed and pseudo-shout with the petulance of a sleepy kindergartener. Can you image that face every time you suggested a movie to watch? And don’t even think about asking to meet his parents.
Steve Stifler (Seann William Scott) in American Pie
Even though he became the unofficial spokesperson for the entire American Pie franchise, and despite that franchise’s attempts to humanize him, Steve Stifler is nothing more than the physical embodiment of Jim Carrey’s ‘most annoying sound in the world’ from Dumb and Dumber. No chance you’re having intellectual convos with this buffoon.
Ruby Rhod (Chris Tucker) in The Fifth Element
It’s fair to say that Chris Tucker was directed to be as over the top as possible, but the sounds that this human being makes with his voice are so unnatural and chilling that they send shivers down the spine, and not in a ‘goosebumps’ kind of way. You couldn’t even take Ruby Rhod to a gay club for a drag night – he’d have trouble fitting in, I think.
Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) in The Twilight Saga
Sure, Kristen Stewart is a phenomenal actress. Now. Before that, there was Twilight, where she took a blank slate of a robot character and injected it with…well…more of the same. Jacob – no, Edward – no, Jacob – MAKE UP YOUR MIND! Obviously, Jacob is better husband material. All this angst would lead to one hell of a neurotic first date.
Frank Slade (Al Pacino) in The Scent of a Woman
A little goes a long way with this increasingly annoying and over-the-top character. Imagine a discourse on a date:
“What do you wanna do?”
“Is that a restaurant?”
“What do they serve?”
“Is that some kind of sushi?”
And it has nothing to do with his being blind. Blind is fine. This…much of everything is not.
Adam Sandler in Every Adam Sandler Film Ever Made
Think of an Adam Sandler character…any Adam Sandler character…and, now, imagine going on a date with them.
Are you okay? Hello…are you okay? Oh God – someone call, 9-1-1.
“Hello, 9-1-1 – please send someone. Adam Sandler’s done it again.”