Movie plots that just wouldn’t work in 2019

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it. Or, you could end up not understanding movie plots because, like, how outdated can you get? 2018 is going to be an… interesting year… and we’ve changed a lot in the past couple decades. So, we’ve compiled a list of movie plots that would never happen in real life 2018, because sometimes laughter is the best medicine.

IT

it

What’s so outdated?

Clowns being your #1 top fear. That’s so two decades ago. Now, even kids fear things that are way more abstract. How are you gonna transform into crippling debt, Pennywise?! How are you gonna transform into never-fulfilled dreams?!

What would happen in 2018?

After trying ruthlessly to strike fear into everyone’s hearts, Pennywise would just end up being known as that one local crazy (everywhere has one) that parents talk about in this manner: “It’s okay, he’s harmless. He’s more afraid of you than you are of IT.”

Scream

scream

What’s so outdated?

Girl: About to watch a film.

Phone: Ring, ring. Ring, ring.

Girl: Answers the phone, even though she isn’t expecting a call.

What would happen in 2018?

Forget the fact that caller ID is a thing (because he would’ve just used a burner or set his number to private…) nobody answers the phone anymore to unknown numbers. Or known numbers for that matter. Especially when they’re about to watch a movie – whatever it is can wait. Leave a message after the beep. (But we’ll never listen to the voicemail, so.)

Psycho

psycho

What’s so outdated?

Anyone actually turning up to this place. Even if you’re running away and desperately need a place to stay, you gotta check them ratings.

What would happen in 2018?

Dear Hotel-Review-Website, what do you have to say about Bate’s Motel? “I’m giving this hotel 1 star only because I can’t give it 0. There were holes in the walls, pretty sure the owner could’ve spied on me if he wanted to!! He kept talking about his mother but I never saw her. VERY creepy decor. Avoid at all costs!!!”

But what if there are no reviews?! “Hmm, 302,000 people checked in here and not one person left a review. How odd. And now they are all missing. HMMMM”.

Dude, Where’s My Car?

dude wheres my car

What’s so outdated?

Nobody documenting a bender.

What would happen in 2018?

It’s standard to start piecing the night together using everyone’s pictures and videos.

“Dude, where’s my car?”

“Just look at your mate Tom’s Snapchat. There it is. Behind the bush where you left it.”

Also, designated drivers are a thing these days which we fully support.

The Ring

the ring

What’s so outdated?

The sheer stupidity. Also, VHS.

What would happen in 2018?

Like, ok, nobody uses VHS anymore, but what if she was on a DVD instead? Plausible. (Kinda.) Nobody would watch something that literally had a warning on it because our suspicion levels have increased by 1000%. Also, with TVs mounted and high up? She would’ve slipped out of the TV, and landed on the ground on her neck. Now she’s dead. The end.

Home Alone

home alone

What’s so outdated?

That many kids? A house that big? A massive family holiday? Not in this economy.

What would happen in 2018?

He’d have a phone to message his dad like “You forgot one”. It would also be IMPOSSIBLE to forget your child, because in reality they’d have, like, three kids and when they realised that things were suspiciously calm they’d just count or something. (That’s what parents of multiple kids do, right?)

Mrs. Doubtfire

mrs doubtfire 2

What’s so outdated?

Yeah, cool, I’m just gonna hire this woman to take care of my kids without fact-checking. SURE. More like we’re gonna need seven face-to-face references, proof of qualifications, and we’ll need to see your Facebook wall from three years ago.

What would happen in 2018?

He’d probably be outed pretty quickly and put in jail. Or, the mother would’ve been put in jail for actual child endangerment.

The Breakfast Club

the breakfast club

What’s so outdated?

Detention… on a weekend… for about 17 hours… y’know what that is? Illegal (and borderline torture).

What would happen in 2018?

Even if detention like that was still a thing, no teacher would actually leave a bunch of kids alone and not assume that they’re going to get high, dance around, have a makeover, kiss someone’s neck, and emotionally connect – that’s, like, basic. Keep up, people. It’s 2019 – you should know what your teenagers are doing by now.

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